All (business) partners fight now and then. It is how and when they regulate the potential conflict, repair the relationship after the conversation started to get heated and restore connection after a ‘regrettable incident’, that makes the difference and determines if the relationship stays healthy (Gottman Institute, 2020).
What does it mean to regulate, restore end repair?
By regulating, you first of all get aware of the tension in your body. By feeling this tension, you realize you have a choice to take a breath and lean back. A choice to slow things down and to get back on track.
Furthermore if you are able to hear each others repair attempts, you are also able to make a shift in the conversation from destructive to constructive. A time out for example is also a very helpful effective tool to bring the temperature down and a good start to repair.
Finally, evaluating a difficult conversation can do a lot in restoring the relationship. Here your mindset is crucial (Carol Dweck, 2014). If f you have a ‘destructive or fixed mindset‘. You see the conflict as a proof for the negative side of your relationship, as a failure. Every incident will add to the belief that you failed. If you have a ‘growth mindset‘ on the other hand, you are willing to see the learnings. By identifying each others interests, triggers and reactions, you show you want to understand what happened, for the better. You believe the challenges in the relationship are a mean to personal growth.
We as mediators are happy to support you in preventing or handling your specific conflicts. For more True Conversations, www.partner-mediation.com